Trick Or Treat (1986)

  

Something fucked up is going on somewhere in Ohio, or wherever this movie takes place. Apparently everyone’s favorite satanic butt rocker [1] SAMMI CURR!!!666!!!HAIL SATAN! has recently died in a fire. This is a big tragedy for Skippy, who is the world’s biggest butt rock fan. Thorough helpful voiceover and montage set to screaming W.A.S.P.- sounding soundtrack, we learn that Skippy has a mullet like WHOA and all the douche bags at his school pick on him, and make fun of his camo pants. Fortunately, Skippy has had the awesome metal might[2] of SAMMI CURR!!!666!!!HAIL SATAN! on his side. 

 

Back at school, Skippy falls victim to the sabotaged milk prank cleverly played by PrepJockDouche, and all the chickies don’t want Skippy’s autograph. Skippy’s best friend NERDMAN is there with some helpful expository dialog, and we learn that SAMMI CURR!!!666!!!HAIL SATAN! was recently banned from playing at the High School dance because the PTA are a bunch of poseurs and they fear the AWESOME SATANIC METAL MAJESTY of SAMMI CURR!!!666!!!HAIL SATAN!, or something.

 

Over at the radio station, Gene Simmons Nuke gives Skippy the only existing copy of the last SAMMI CURR!!!666!!!HAIL SATAN! record. Being the good metal fan that he is, Skippy immediately plays the record backwards, which sounds awesome and also allows him to have a satanic conversation with SAMMI CURR!!!666!!!HAIL SATAN!.[3] With SAMMI CURR’s!!!666!!!HAIL SATAN! helpful guidance, Skippy learns the secret to getting even with PrepJockDouche. 

Pool party! Everyone heads over to the high school gym for the world’s least logical pool party. Wasn’t there anyone whose parents were out of town? After them titties fly, Skippy gets thrown in the pool and is saved by vaguely sympathetic fried hair lady. Skippy acts all emo and no one is impressed as per usual. 

 

The next day at school, Skippy keeps it real when he pees on PrepJockDouche’s Tater Tots. PrepJockDouche makes it rain on the school board, and then has to do community service. Vindicated, Skippy blows donuts in the parking lot and blasts Accept “Balls to the Wall” until the assistant principal comes out and threatens him with lunch detention and Skippy kills him with chains.

 

Back at NERDMAN’s house, the satanic majesty of SAMMI CURR!!!666!!!HAIL SATAN! ruins NERDMAN’s carpet and his mom is all pissed off. Ozzy shows up looking high as a fucking kite and drunk enough to die and tells us about the evil satanic menace of men in leather pants playing pointy guitars and singing about “lookin’ for some tushie”. NERDMAN’s codpiece fails to win him points with the ladies, and SAMMI CURR!!!666!!!HAIL SATAN! demands that NERDMAN redeem himself by ruining the high school dance.

 

Back at the park, PrepJockDouche and Fried Hair Girlfriend are gettin’ nice and then he has to pee like WHOA! Meanwhile, Fried Hair Girlfriend puts on her headphones and listens to The Greatest Hits of Udo Dirkschneider, which inspires her to touch her bad spot. Unfortunately, someone replaced her Udo Dirkschneider tape with SAMMI CURR!!!666!!!HAIL SATAN!, and her ears melt. Worth it!

 

Time to wrap that shit up! Over at the high school dance, things are getting’ fucked up. NERDMAN is a professional DJ and he plays the SAMMI CURR!!!666!!!HAIL SATAN!  record backwards, just the way you like it.   SAMMI CURR!!!666!!!HAIL SATAN! finally arrives to give the audience the hot metal injection they’ve been asking for, but he refuses to perform until someone brings him a gigantic pile of cocaine and a deli tray[4].   SAMMI CURR!!!666!!!HAIL SATAN! puts on his assless chaps and plays a wailing, Yngwe Malmsteen-inspired guitar solo, and offers the high school girls some beer. When they refuse, he takes their souls and also he has pyro, which is awesome.

 

Fortunately, Skippy has the proper tech for vanquishing resurrected satanic butt rockers; toilet water! For some absolutely unexplained reason, SAMMI CURR!!!666!!!HAIL SATAN! sticks his hand into the toilet and then he’s all bummin’. Skippy tricks SAMMI CURR!!!666!!!HAIL SATAN! into chasing him out of the parking lot, and then we are treated to a terrible, incoherent car chase. Huh?[5] Eventually, Skippy drives his car into the river, and SAMMI CURR!!!666!!!HAIL SATAN! realizes that he’s wasting his time ruining the dance when he could be bangin’ heads and bangin’ sluts! Also, at this exact moment Postietoastie’s housemates begin playing a endless series of terrible Nirvana covers and Postietoastie begins frantically searching for a record player in hopes of summoning SAMMI CURR!!!666!!!HAIL SATAN! to kill them with chains. Back in non-meta land, everyone gets sucked off and then NERDMAN predicts the future in which he directs Black X-Mas and the chickies still don’t want his autograph.

 

Awesome![6] 

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