Law Abiding Citizen (2009)

 

One man. Mad as hell. Because somebody stole his….wife and daughter. Gerard Butler in Where’s My Justice? 

 

I tell ya what! Justice aint in Philly where he lives. Even if that’s where the Liberty Bell is housed, it aint where justice prevails. Oh no no no. After Gerard Butler’s wife and child are brutally murdered in front of him (in his own freaking house none-the-less), the justice system fails him big time. Oh, the authorities that be captured the killers. Sure. The police in Philly are not inept. It is the legal system that failed him. It is the legal system that is the joke. Therefore, justice was not found in Philly. Justice, as it turns out, was found in Crazy Town – and I’m not talking no rap metal here either. Uh-uh. I’m talking naked frolicking in pools of blood Crazy Town. Hello sociopathology by way of injustice! Frank Castle would be proud!

 

So armed with power tools and high tech weaponry and rare fish poison and explosives and chemicals and crafty clever inventions scary enough to make the girl behind me in the theater cry at their possible existence (this girl probably uses her cell phone often), Gerard Butler sets out to change the justice system one murder at a time! Hells yes! Shit yeah! Fuck the man!

 

The judge that let the man who murdered his wife and daughter get away with basically a slap on the wrist i.e. a few years in prison…well, she’s gotta go. How about the lawyer who defended the murderer? He’s certainly gotta go. How about the doughnut boy who fed the killer once? Doomed! The cab driver that once took the killer to the store? DEAD! Adam Sandler who once made the killer laugh? DEAD! All of them are dead! No one can live. No one! NO ONE!!

 

Also, Gerard Butler really likes asparagus. He had it delivered while in prison in exchange for the life of someone he kidnapped and buried alive. Gerard shared his asparagus with his cellmate and then shived the guy in the neck again and again! Seems reasonable! The warden didn’t like that. No he didn’t. Especially after Gerard lied down in his bed then bathed in blood because that’s what you do in Crazy Town. That’s what you do… Oh and the warden…DEAD! 

 

There was once a guy who kind of looked like the man who killed his wife and daughter. I said “once” because he’s dead now. The mailman who delivered the killers mail…he was fed to piranhas. The killer’s 6^th grade social studies teacher? Glued to the inside of a jet engine when no one was looking! Boom! Splat! Explode!

 

This is justice in Crazy Town.

 

So who then can save the day? Who can save our world from the justice Crazy Town has issued? One man. Mad as hell. Because somebody threatened his…wife and daughter. 

 

Jamie Foxx in…Somebody Stole My Peace of Mind! 

 

And then the battle of wits is off and running. Jamie Foxx was Gerard Butler’s lawyer at the time of the original murderous mess. Jamie needs to learn his lesson Gerard feels. Jamie doesn’t feel he did anything wrong. Gerard needs to teach him (ala the school of Jigsaw apparently) that there is no justice in his way. 

 

Jamie is a lawyer. He is justice. 

 

The battle wages. Crazy Town justice vs. The Justice of Philadelphia. 

 

Epic. Crazy. Ridiculous? Awesome? YES!!!

 

The only thing left to do when visiting Crazy Town is to bathe in fire. What do I mean? I aint tellin’ you! You have to go to Crazy Town yourself.