Demon Knight

Okay. I want to start this off by making one thing perfectly clear. This movie kicks ass. Okay, I know, I know. There are plenty of people out there who would whole heartedly disagree with me and that’s just fine. Those are the people who probably thought BrokebackMountain was the greatest cinematic achievement of our time. Personally I don’t understand the hype. I’ve been to goth night. I’ve seen two dudes making out. Granted they were in black leather instead of dusty brown suede and Levis, but the essence of the act is really the same. Also the soundtrack at goth night was way better. Sure, sure, all the naysayers are not only indie flick snobs, but true horror fans as well. Of course the term “true” in reference to the horror fan is clearly up for interpretation. For example, if you’re Postietostie, you believe that a horror film should include the following:

 

 

Now with these elements understood, it’s almost safe to say that Silent Hill would make Mr. Postietostie’s list of a true horror film i.e., one that he would watch and enjoy whole heartedly. However you would be wrong. A true horror film consisting of these themes must also contain little to no supernatural elements.

 

So if you’re someone who raved about Milk or The Reader or own every Saw film and every recent Japanese torture porn movie to come out in the last five years, then Demon Knight probably isn’t for you. But maybe I’m wrong. And if so, keep reading!

 

Billy motherfuckin’ Zane is in the hizzy in this one. And no joke, hands down, in the role he was meant to play. Billy plays a witty, charismatic, cowboy-esque demon with a duster full of one liners. The movie is really all about Billy as he quests to bring back the darkness. To do this, he must acquire the key that the demon knight (William Sadler in this case) protects. To make this synopsis short, basically Billy traps seven people inside an old church that has been transformed into a dingy hotel/brothel/local hang out. Billy conjures up low level demons whom look very much like how Tina Turner might look if she were to live to about 198 and wore a headful of piercings to boot. And to be fair, the acting by the cast (including a young Jada Pinket Smith) isn’t the best at time (the film does includes Thomas Hayden Church and that old guy who is scared of the gremlins before the gremlins invade the town in Gremlins) but acting never stopped the Wayans from dragging down society with trash like the Scary Movie franchise. For the love of God, please stop making those movies! Sweet Jesus! You know what I’m saying?

 

There seems to a surge of demon/satanic themed films recently (Paranormal Activity, Night of the Demons (remake), The House of the Devil, Cabin In The Woods (speculation), The Evil Dead (remake), Jennifer's Body, Orphan). Perhaps its time that y’all dust off your VCR or even better purchase the DVD of this movie so as to reacquaint yourself with this nearly forgotten gem. And if you are still a naysayer – if you’re still trying to tell me that you thought this movie sucked, then I’ll cut you! I’ll make things true. I ain’t scared. I’ve seen Slumber Party Massacre so I know the drill!