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Bloodrayne
There's something fucked up going on in Transylvania, or where ever the fuck this movie takes place. Apparently, someone has been having a contest to see who can make the worst movie ever, so these dudes show up to look for vampires and have dirty sex. One of them is played by Michael Madsen, looking drunk enough to die. The other guy is played by some dude who won the Seann W.Read more
Date Movie
Close your eyes.Read more
Extract
You remember back when you saw Chasing Amy for the first time, and you noticed that Ben Affleck had bad teeth? OK, so to be fair he didn’t have bad teeth; he had normal, non-movie star teeth. (And if you haven’t noticed this yet, try watching Chasing Amy again and not noticing his teeth. Good luck.) His teeth had spaces between them, and were a little crooked, just like the rest of us.Read more
Gamer
Someone puts on some Marilyn Manson and it’s “some years from this exact moment” according to the title card and then OMG! WTF! there’s stuff blowing up and there’s people shooting and running and running and dying and shooting and bleeding and sneaking and sniping and shooting and shooting and shooting and shooting and there’s grenades aspolde and it’s loud and now I’m running and shooting and there’s a save point and my buddy aspolde and I’m running and shooting and bleeding and now my head asplode and OMG! WTF!Read more
Rise: Blood Hunter
THE Final Destination
So Nikki texts me all like, “Let’s go see THE Final Destination suck in 3 dimensions,” and I’m all like, “Hey, let’s go get some nachos.” Read more
